


The Goblin King's Surprise

by MinervaWraith (Jane_Bishop)



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Jareth has a childish sense of humour, Slightly crack, and Sarah is not amused, mostly from Sarah, quite a lot of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 18:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15200573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jane_Bishop/pseuds/MinervaWraith
Summary: Jareth discovers his new favourite restaurant. Sarah isn't quite so keen... Silly little fic that I wrote after inspiration from the LFFL family (and an amusing Freaky Friday post).





	The Goblin King's Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my LFFL family for all the support and the idea in the first place. You guys are all amazing. Hope you enjoy this fun little thing that I wrote for you.
> 
> Also, I'm British, but since this is a third person narrative, I didn't really see it as necessary to swap in Americanisms (with a few exceptions). Note at the end about floriography.

Sarah was lying casually on the sofa, one leg crossed over the other, reading a book in the living room of her flat when her fiancé waltzed in. Since she was reading M.R. James, she figured that the little jump she made when the door opened was perfectly reasonable. She continued to read, even as Jareth perched himself on the edge of her sofa, knocking her legs with his left arm. This kind of an entrance meant one of two things: either Jareth had had a hard day and needed to be taken care of (which Sarah was more than willing to do- after all, he generously spoiled her all the time) or, more likely, he had a cheeky grin on his face and a "fabulous" idea.

   'Hey,' she said, not taking her eyes away from her book. 'Good day?'

   'Simply marvellous!' he gushed. Sarah didn't need to look up to know that he was smirking. 'Precious, I've discovered the most wonderful restaurant.'

   'If it's another place selling parrot beak or monkey breast, or whatever, you can count me out,' she muttered.

   Jareth chuckled. 'God, no. I promise you, Sarah, it's a good, classic, American burger restaurant. Or "joint", as you kids like to say.'

   That set the alarm bells ringing. Jareth never did normal. Well,  _human_ normal, anyway.  _Five Guys_ was as appealing to him as his favourite brownie dust was to her, no matter how many times Jareth told her that it tasted like caramel, and that the brownies who produced it were completely unharmed. Sarah drew the line at eating faery dandruff.

   'First of all, never, ever, ever say the word "joint" again. Second,' she sighed and finally dropped her book, 'what kind of stunt are you trying to pull?'

   'Nothing at all, Precious,' he replied, with all the innocence of a child caught with their fingers in the biscuit tin. 'I thought that since it's been a particularly stressful week for both of us, we deserve to treat ourselves to a night out.'

   Sarah hummed. It was true, they had both been working themselves to the wire lately. Jareth's ambassador to the Fae kingdom was ill, so he needed to organise a substitute whilst she recovered; he had a ton of paperwork to do as the Underground calendar came to its yearly end; and his immediate neighbours, the Troll kingdom, had put themselves in a bit of both by descending into Civil War, with many refugees and the odd accidental invasion keeping Jareth and his subjects more than a little occupied. Meanwhile, Sarah had recently been promoted, and so had a lot of extra work to do; her best friend was getting married in a month, and the role of maid of honour was fraught with responsibilities; and as the financial year Aboveground came to a close, she had taxes to sort out. Neither of them had had much time to relax, so maybe it would be a good idea to go out tonight...

   But she was still suspicious of Jareth's enthusiasm. That could always be dangerous.

   'What's the name of this place?' she asked.

   'The Black Boar.'

   Sarah narrowed her eyes. It was a very normal name for a normal sounding restaurant. Only one way to find out.

   She typed the name of the restaurant into Google Maps. It was a small family business and it was just a few streets down. The pictures looked like those from your average American restaurant: chill, welcoming, but with the potential to get a bit rowdy if too many students rocked up. The reviews looked promising: "lovely food", "gorgeous atmosphere", "friendly staff"... It appeared normal in every way. Sarah didn't know what to say. It was just too...  _boring_ for Jareth. There had to be a catch. But she couldn't think of one for the life of her. Then again, maybe Jareth was being sincere. He was slowly adapting to the human world, and he tried his best for her, even if he didn't succeed. His first foray into snooker had left them both in the ER. 'You should have seen the state of the other guy,' Sarah had mumbled. Said opponent was still lingering in the bog of Eternal Stench to this day. Regardless, it was the thought that counted, and Jareth could be exceptionally thoughtful. Surprise bouquets of globe amaranths and red tulips delivered to work (apparently floriography was a hobby that Jareth had grown fond of in the 200-odd years that it had existed);; warm meals readily cooked when she entered the flat; reassuring compliments whenever she doubted herself; massages, hugs, kisses- not to mention the sex! Jareth was, in many ways, the perfect lover. Really, it wasn't so unreasonable for him to want to take her on a casual night out that would be familiar to her and not overwhelming.

   Sarah put her phone back on the coffee table and sat up. She squeezed Jareth's hands. 'Thank you. That's very sweet of you.'

   Jareth's smile stretched even wider. 'Good, because I already made us a reservation.'

   Sarah rolled her eyes. 'I hate you.'

   'You adore me.'

   She shrugged her shoulders. 'Eh.'

   Jareth kissed her forehead. 'Table's booked for seven. Leave at ten to?' 

   'Sure.' It couldn't have been much later than six, so it gave Sarah plenty of time to brush her hair and change out of her work clothes. 'I'm glad to see you're getting used to the "no magic Aboveground" rule.' She stood up and walked to their bedroom, a little surprised that Jareth didn't follow.

   He scoffed. 'It's a tedious rule, but if it pleases my Queen, then I shall adhere to it only slightly begrudgingly.' 

   'Aww!' Sarah cooed. 'You're so cute.'

   They left at ten to seven exactly. The only magic that Sarah permitted was a glamour that helped Jareth to blend in. Well, as much as he could with that winning smile, he taunted with a mischievous wink. He was dressed normally too, in jeans and a casual shirt. He sighed in relief when he saw that Sarah was wearing a simple skirt and blouse. For the eighteen months that they had been together, they rarely went out for dinner. They were both far too good at cooking to waste such skills. And who knew that goblins also made pretty decent chefs? Consequently, Jareth still found himself struggling with restaurant etiquette. Especially when dealing with a place like 'The Black Boar'.

   It was a very short walk, and Sarah was instantly struck by the place's charm. She couldn't believe that she had never known that such a lovely little restaurant was only a five-minute walk away. It reminded her a bit of a British pub. She had been to a few with Jareth before during their many travels and loved them almost as much as he did. It was cosy and Sarah felt instantly comfortable.  _Wow,_ she thought,  _he's actually gone and done it._

A waitress sat them at a table by the window. Sarah looked out at the busy street and smiled. This was the kind of thing her fifteen-year-old self had imagined: a nice meal in a nice establishment with a nice guy. Okay, so maybe Jareth didn't tick the last box all the time, but Sarah was hardly in the mood for complaining.

   That was until she saw the menu. And her face fell.

   'What the serious fuck, Jareth?!' she demanded, probably too loudly, given that a young family were sitting behind them. 'You fucking knew about this, didn't you?'

   Jareth was beaming from ear to ear. 'I have no idea what you mean, Precious.'

   'Don't bullshit me,' she snapped. She turned her menu around. 'Look!' She thrust it in his face and pointed.

   At the top of the page, in large, imposing letters, was this month's burger special: Goblin Cocks.

   'I say,' he chirped, 'doesn't that sound delicious? What a wonderful coincidence.'

   Sarah threw her menu down on the table and glowered at him. 'I can't believe you,' she hissed. 'No, actually I can. You irritating, coniving-'

   'Can I get you any drinks?' the waitress asked, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

   'A glass of sweet red for me, please,' Jareth replied.

   'And for you, Ma'am?' she asked, turning to Sarah.

   She breathed deeply, trying to control herself so that she didn't take her anger out on the waitress. 'Do you do Long Island iced tea?' She needed something strong to get through this.

   'Of course. I'll bring those over for you.'

   'Thank you,' they both said, although one was somewhat more upbeat than the other.

   Sarah resumed glaring as soon as their waitress walked away. Much to her continuing fury, Jareth was nought but smiles and rainbows. Oh, he was so going to pay for this. And she had the whole meal to figure out how.

   When the waitress returned with their drinks, she asked if they were ready to order. Sarah couldn't give Jareth the satisfaction of ordering a burger of any sort, even if it was technically a burger restaurant- she'd never hear the end of it! So she just went for a lasagne.

   Then the waitress asked Jareth, and Sarah felt blood rush to her cheeks. God damn Jareth, he was going to revel in this moment. Grinning like a kid in a sweet shop, he said, 'I'll take one of your fabulous Goblin Cocks.'

   Sarah had to bite back a groan, as she pondered the legalities of torture under such circumstances.

   The waitress smiles as she took down his order. 'My favourite. Have you had one before?'

   'Oh, yes. They're delicious!' His eyes flickered over to Sarah, who visibly gulped.  _Now what?!_ 'Sarah usually loves one, but I don't know why she decided to pass tonight.'

   Sarah glowered at him. 'I can think of a few could reasons,' she snarled.

   The waitress chuckled. 'I'll put those in for you. If there's anything else I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.'

   'How about castrate my boyfriend?' Sarah grumbled as the waitress walked back to the kitchen. 

   Jareth's evil smile didn't falter. 'Come, now, Precious,' he chastised. He couldn't sound more patronising if he tried. 'This is a family establishment.'

   Sarah couldn't think of a comeback, so she remained silent. She wasn't going to give him any more material to work with. Besides, she'd get her own back eventually.

   They were mostly silent as they waited for their meals to arrive. Jareth occasionally asked a harmless question, and Sarah responded with monosyllabic answers. Not that it seemed to dampen his mood. His grin stayed in perfect place. He was having far too much fun with this, and Sarah told him as much.

   Jareth giggled. 'I'm sure you'll have your own fun later.'

   Sarah's lips twitched and she tried to force back a smile. 'You bet I will, faery boy.'

   The moment that Sarah had been dreading arrived. She chugged the rest of her drink to prepare herself as the waitress set down their plates. 'Enjoy!'

   Jareth was leering at Sarah as he said, 'My, my, Precious. This looks mouth-watering.' He picked up the burger.

   'Don't you fucking dare,' she spat. 

   Jareth pouted, but extended his arms towards her anyway. Sarah was daft to think that a few words would put him off milking this for all it was worth. 'Would you care for my cock, Sarah?'

   She was fuming. If she'd had any of her drink left, the way they do in the films. But Jareth wasn't worth the effort right now. She put on her fakest smile- the kind that she used on irritating clients to stop herself from biting their heads off- and replied, 'At this rate, never again, babe.'

   Jareth shrugged. 'Your loss.' He took his first bite and, much to Sarah's chagrin, had the audacity to moan. 'Oh, God!' he exclaimed, after he swallowed. 'You're missing out. There are,' he paused, and looked her dead in the eyes, 'orgasmic.'

   Sarah huffed and stabbed her lasagne with her knife. 'Enjoy it while it lasts. Because I can promise you it will be your last for a very long time.'

   Jareth licked his lips, not breaking eye contact. 'Oh, Sarah,' he lowered his voice and spoke in that husky tone that the only used when they were in the bedroom, and it made Sarah unconsciously cross her legs. 'I can't wait.'

**Author's Note:**

> Flower meanings:  
> Globe amaranth- immortal love  
> Red tulip- true love
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


End file.
